Depressing post #1

This is going to be a rather depressing post... But I always feel better afterwards when I rant ..
It's a late night and I can't go to sleep .. and I just feel depressed .. Lonely .. I don't know what's wrong with me... I just lay there , staring at the ceiling and tears just come out.. :/ don't know why ... That's when I analysis parts of my life and realize.. I'm not the person I want to be .. Idk it's hard to explain ,. I keep asking myself .. What's wrong with me ? What wrong with me?! Why don't I feel loved ? Why can't I be happy for once? Why does happiness last so short for me? I don't know .. I don't know! I DON'T KNOW !! *stabs self and bleeds to death*